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Monday, February 02, 2009

REJECTION

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I get used of this word.. How this word swallow me until I cannot grow in HIM... I being rejected by friend, elders whom I respect and so on forth.

The results of rejection;
1. I place boundaries around people. It is too difficult for me to open up my heart to other people that I don't trust because I'm afraid being hurt even deeper.
2. People would think that I am a snob person, by looking at my face. (I cannot change my appearance, but I'm changing my attitude. To those who is close to me, they aware of it)
3. My self confidence is low.
4. I don't know how to make or start a conversation. (I will look somewhere else, hoping that my eyes won't get eye contact with them)
5. I tend to make people hate me by then I won't be rejected if the bond is tight.
6. My social skill is worst, probably because I'm used of being alone. Introvert is my mode.
7. My brain will get confused as I always planned ahead my conversation. Once topic in my head is running out I'll be quite as possible.. For example; When I met pastor.... I'll be afraid of what I going to say next and started to plan topic for conversation, not because I disrespect them.. never in million years. I just able to smile... and my eyes are 'mingle' somewhere else. The conversation won't be natural but I am always becoming a good listener.
8. My subject in conversation is limited. (I prefer writing than talking)
9. I having problem with my hearing... I will ask the same question several times not because I am lack in focus. It just that I won't be able to hear clearly in noisy places. Distortion appeared!! I am reading your lip movement and focus at your face.
10. If suddenly I am happy, singing, laughing it is because the joy God put me in my heart. If you guys have read my previous post, you knows!!!

God pour HIS gracious over me for me to be strong, humble and wisdom in order for to overcome the weaknesses I have. God slowly mold me to be a better person. I am not a snob person, I am not deliberately over confidence or overbearing. I am a new born Christian whose faith is being renewed gradually... I pray that I would become like Joshua who is young and vibrant in leadership. He who does not have confidence but being chosen as leader to lead others. Thank you God for placing people who love me without judging my character me. Thank you God for leading people to correct me if I did wrong with your gracious. Thank you God for being my Father that never forsake me... Thank you